I ended an earlier post by saying that I did not want to stop moving because I was afraid that if I were to stop, I would never move again.
My friend Grace (be sure to check out her blog http://doingthemathcountingmyblessings.blogspot.com/ ) made an interesting comment, "Amazing... you hit on something that makes me wonder... when friends, peers, family say to one that is going through a difficult physical sickness... and we say how strong you are... I wonder how often the person that is going through the sickness thinks we are crazy as they don't feel strong. But instead of feeling strong... what they/you are feeling is fear... of stopping and perhaps never moving again."
This was thought provoking for me. I started to think about everything I had been through how scared I actually felt during the course of this battle.
For me personally, I don't really think I was scared most of the time. There were events that would occur or things I would learn that might worry or scare me for a bit but overall, I think I just plugged ahead.
I am a pretty logical thinking person for the most part and I don't let my emotions rule me most of the time. I look at a situation and I do what I think is necessary to bring it to a conclusion.
The moments of "fear" I experienced were short lived and I think were born from the lengthy nature of the battle and the fact that there was no definite end date.
The fear of not being able to move again was not a palpable fear but more a thought in my head that told me I can't sit down and I can't let this beat me. Life must go on and it will go on as normal possible.
I never took the time to think too much about what could happen. I just pressed on as we all must do no matter what it is in life we face. I don't consider that to be strength and I don't consider that to be fear. I call it survival and we all must do it even if it is slightly different for each person.